At last, it's the back-to-university / halloween issue! A welcome back to our university players. There won't be any "Tales of Terra" this issue I'm afraid cause my old hard drive crashed :( and I still haven't gotten the tape drive (where everything was backed up on!) working yet... hopefully next issue *cross*!
NEWS COLLEGE ADMISSION ESSAY EXAMPLE TOP TEN REASONS WHY TERRAFIRMA IS LIKE COLLEGE THE STUDENT'S PRAYER MAN PAGE FOR BABY REAL LIFE CYBER SEX CYN & BAMBI'S "HOW TO DUMP A MAN" HALLOLINKS
CONTRIBUTORS TO THIS ISSUE:
Lucas, Cyn, Bambi, and a "Mystery Wiz"
GAME NEWSA new version (3.3.1) of TF has just been released, many many improvements and new features have gone into the game since last issue, so let's get started!:
DYING AND FLEEING: Fight death and fleeing penalties are now based upon the experience equivalent of your level, instead of being 3 percent (flee) and 12 percent (fight death) of your character's experience. This should help lower level players! The deathroom penalty has also been reduced from 5 percent to 2.
INFO TIMES: The number of deaths column in info times now works correctly, it shows how many players have died attempting which quests. There are now also two additional INFO files: INFO BESTTIMES, which shows best times ever for quest completion, and INFO LASTTIMES which shows the time and who last completed each quest. INFO TIMES itself will be reset periodically. See if you can get the fastest time for a quest each version, or try to beat the fastest time ever!
MAGICK: There is now a BUY SPELL command, you can buy spells from the Mage. There are also now Enchanted Items which store spells! Use the INVOKE command to use a spell stored in an object (see HELP INVOKE on the game for more). The Mage can RECHARGE the spell casting power of your Enchanted Item once it is all used up.
QUEST: Since the last issue, the Prague quest has been put into the game. Help the Rabbi build the Golem and bring it to life! To get to Prague you must use the new Stagecoach which goes between Beilefeld and Prague.
As always, you can keep up to date on new features by reading INFO NEWSTUFF or INFO WORKDONE.
- We are now planning on running regular tournaments each week. For UK players (generally) the best time might be THURSDAYS at 6 pm.... which is 1 PM Eastern US time. For US players, we'll try to hold tournies on WEDNESDAYS at 8 PM Eastern US time, which translates into 1 AM THURSDAYS game/UK time. Remember that tournament winners get big rewards! Come and join in the slaying and fun!
PLAYER NEWSCongratulations to Cyn who has been made Empress due to her increased amounts of responsibility in helping all of us run the place! Congratulation also to Lister, joining the ranks of the Court as Advisor. BabyGirl has also been promoted to Lady. Recent MUD-engagements include Rewind and BabyGirl, and Sickboy and Ted (who're gettin hitched this week!).
In REAL LIFE player news, there have been a few more Terra meet-ups. Lucas and BabyGirl met up with Valley and Musicmaker in Pennsylvania while Lucas was visiting the states. Look for photos at the MEET web page soon! Also look for piccies of Rewind and BabyGirl, who met up in Virginia Beach a few weeks ago.
Last but not least, we have to send a BIG CONGRATULATIONS to Valley and Musicmaker (Val and Alex) on the birth of their daughter Riordan Hope! She arrived on October 7, 1998 at 7:06 am, weighing in at 7 pounds, 10 1/2 oz, 21 1/2 inches (photo at right)... You can see more photos at the proud parents' page at http://www.aspects.net/~aturner/piccies/index.html Hey guys, check out the Unix manpage for "baby" below! ;)
At the Web site, improvements have been made here and there to the info and functionality of the Untouchable Area (Untouchables: ask BabyGirl for the password if you don't know it!). Work on improving the "GUIDE" section is ongoing. Also, we have added banner advertising to the site in an effort to attract even more players. We're now members of the LinkExchange and MUDlinx banner programs. Coming soon: if YOU have a Web page of your own and you link to TerraFirmA, you'll be rewarded! Watch for our new TFlink and badge program.
If you want a laugh, try out BabyGirl's new "TerraQuotes" section at http://www.terrafirma.ohl.dk/meet/babygirl/quotes/ -- these pages will be expanded on a regular basis! Are YOU in there somewhere?? Work on improving the "GUIDE" section is ongoing.
UPCOMINGUpcoming quests include:
Movie by Flea and SickBoy - Set in a movie theatre, several pictures are playing. Players need to obtain a ticket to enter certain films to be able to complete the puzzles for the quest.
Cave by Lucas - Many years ago, Hamelin was under seige from evil invaders. To help in their war against these invaders, the townsfolk of Hamelin built an underground of tunnels. These were used to quickly move about without fear of attack from the outsiders. Entrances to the tunnels from outside Hamelin were hidden. So can you find them? And can you find the way into Hamelin? An unusual feature
will be random routes through the cave which will give effectively multiple solutions. The secret ways to various other zones such as cartoon will also be available. The quest will be size limited!
A gambling system will soon be introduced. This will be a simple game but a more complex gambling game will eventually be added. Also, Cyn will head up the project to install "TerraScript" into the game. This system is a huge undertaking, but will enable those with no programming experience to easily add puzzles into the game, which currently requires hard-coding by our overworked coding team. This should mean faster installation of new quests!
COLLEGE ADMISSION ESSAY EXAMPLE
The following was published in The New York Times. This is a NYU college admissions application essay question, and an actual answer written by an applicant:
In order for the admissions staff of our college to get to know you, the applicant, better, we ask that you answer the following question:
Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realized, that have helped to define you as a person?
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees. I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up several inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concret analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
He was accepted.
TOP TEN REASONS WHY TERRAFIRMA IS LIKE COLLEGE
- You haven't a clue what you're doing at the beginning and so follow other people around even though they dont know what they're doing either.
- The more experienced you are the more you're hang around the bar all day backstabbing everyone else. Once you're not about they'll backstab you.
- You find sex in the most unusual places. Well, actually, you dont. It'll be at night fumbling in the dark while you're pissed!
- You spend all your time saving credits but usually blow it all with one mad session.
- The Bard bears an uncanny resemblance to that irritatingly boring lecturer whom everyone hopes they don't get for tutorials.
- You panic like crazy before the final exam, but when it's over all you can think is "is that it?"
- The "graduates" sit about all day discussing which of the newbies are worth tackling. When asked for advice, they shrug their shoulders or scratch their ass.
- You spend ages on that quest you cant stop thinking about. It's called Hamelin in TF. In college you dont even know his/her name!
- You can spend years in it without enough vitamins, and come out with something that will do fuck all to help your career.
- The men are still sad losers!
THE STUDENT'S PRAYERThe Lord is my shepherd, I shall not flunk;
He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying.
He leadeth me beside the water cooler for a study break;
He restoreth my faith in study guides.
He leads me to better study habits
For my grade's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of borderline grades,
I will not have a nervous breakdown;
For thou art with me.
My prayers and my friends, they comfort me.
Thou givest me answers in moments of blankness;
Thou anointest my head with understanding.
My test paper runneth over with questions I recognize.
Surely passing grades and flying colors shall follow me
All the days of my examinations,
And I shall not have to dwell in this university forever,
MAN PAGE FOR BABY
BABY(1) USER COMMANDS BABY(1)
BABY - create new process from two parent processes
BABY sex [ name ]
SYSTEM V SYNOPSIS
/usr/5bin/BABY [ -sex ] [ -name ]
The System V version of this command is available with the Sys-
tem V software installation option. Refer to Installing
SunOS 4.1 for information on how to install and invoke BABY.
BABY is initiated when one parent process polls another server
process through a socket connection (BSD) or through pipes in the
system V implementation. BABY runs at a low priority for approximately
40 weeks then terminates with heavy system load. Most systems require
constant monitoring when BABY reaches it's final stages of execution.
Older implementations of BABY required that the initiating
process not be present at the time of completion, In these versions
the initiating process is awakened and notified of the results upon
completion. Modern versions allow both parent processes to be active
during the final stages of BABY.
example% BABY -sex m -name fred
option indicating type of process created.
process identification to be attached to the new process.
Successful execution of the BABY(1) results in new process
being created and named. Parent processes then typically
broadcast messages to all other processes informing them of their
new status in the system.
The SLEEP command may not work on either parent processes for some
time afterward, as new BABY processes constantly send interrupts
which must be handled by one or more parent.
BABY processes upon being created may frequently dump
in /tmp requiring /tmp to be cleaned out frequently by one
of the parent processes.
The original AT&T version was provided without instructions
regarding the created process, this remains in current implementations.
cigars(6) dump(5) cry(3)
FSF version of BABY where none of the authors will accept
responsibility for anything.
baby -sex f -name Cathryn Leigh Beck
completed sucessfully at the Grey Nuns Hospital on March 30 at
9:59 P.M. after 5 hours of labour. New Mom Chenelle is doing
fine, as is the baby, Dad is tickled pink. Both will probably
come home sometime on Tuesday. More information can be gotten
from Dad by e-mail or when he brings his new little girl by to
show her off (should be soon) Celebrations can probably begin
in earnest after Dad catches up on all the work he couldn't do
Sun Release 4.1 Last change: Just before I left the hospital last.
REAL LIFE CYBER SEX
On-line computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "cyber sex." Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an on-line chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does...
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes,smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slidesoff my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster - pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling as I breathe harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back, undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Wellhung: I'm so sorry - really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed, arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark. I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tugging off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately - our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night stand.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Do me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night stand. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it with a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
Sweetheart: [logged off]
CYN & BAMBI'S "HOW TO DUMP A MAN"
<WizX> how do I dump a guy?
<Cyn> easily or not?
<WizX> I need to dump him but he always looks at me with those puppy eyes that say don't hurt me
<Cyn> Look x, fuck off you little cunt usually works
<WizX> hmmm...but he's got no friends
<Bambi> wear a blindfold when you tell him
<Cyn> ok how about, day after day, our love has turned grey, like the skin on a dying man, and night after night we pretend its all right, but I have grown older.. and things just aint any fun anymore
<WizX> okay who wrote that song?
<Cyn> pink floyd
<Cyn> or the ultimate.. lets just be friends ;)
<WizX> I've tried that
<Cyn> well try it in CAPITALS?
<WizX> but it didn't seem to hit a home run
<BabyGirl> doesn't always fend them off..
<Bambi> i like you but you piss me off?
<BabyGirl> cool i gotta remember that one!
<Cyn> I like you but my skin crawls when u touch me?
<WizX> the @you make my skin crawl@ one has been done..well almost..
<Cyn> sit him down and say stand up all those with a girlfriend.. NOT SO FAST <insertnamehere>
<WizX> I suppose...hell at least this is making me laugh
<WizX> any more ideas
<WizX> I'll take the rifle back home with me
<WizX> that should work...
<WizX> get out or I'll blow your hed off
<Cyn> subtle hun
<Cyn> tell him u've met someone else and u dont fancy threesomes?
<WizX> well I have found someone else...that's one of the reasons I wanna dump him
<Boogie> interesting. this reads like a tabloid agony aunt
<Cyn> walk up hand in hand with her then
<Cyn> or him whichever
<WizX> well that might just happen
<Cyn> its not subtle.. but it works
<Boogie> oh boy.. now its Jerry Springer
<WizX> okay then jerry what's your final thoughts?
<Bambi> become a nun
<WizX> nah....I can't do that
<Cyn> I know, invite him around but make sure youre in bed with this other guy
<WizX> hmmm...yeah I think that's a good one :o)
<Cyn> and when he knocks on the door.. shout yeah yeah I'm just comming!
<Cyn> if u dont look like you've been riding an elephant, a quick splash in the sink will do
<WizX> ooh...and how did you learn that one pray tell?
<Bambi> you obviously know what you're talking about there hun
<Cyn> *butter doesn't solidfy in mouth*
HALLOLINKSHere's some halloween and other fun-type links for you to try!
THE BRUNCHING SHUTTLECOCKS
"Comedy, pure and simple as a hammer to the brain" - Play with their toys, they'll share (for a little while...)
MUD SEX, WHY?
A mudjournal article in which Orlando Vasquerez muses over the nature of this phenomenon.
BLUR OF INSANITY HOME PAGE
The web site for college derelicts.
COLLEGE IN A CAN
At C-in-a-C we go through the labor pains - then hand you the baby. You won't miss meals for boring lectures, or waste rack time doing tedious research. Professor Microwave handles the heavy lifting, nuking tough subjects into ready-to-eat Courses, then zapping them into your head.
TRICKS AND TREATS
Top 10 Halloween tricks and treats for your PC. E-cards, wallpapers and themes, music and screen savers. Get scary!
Links to games, a horror webzine, safety tips, sweepstakes, and more.
Have a ghoulishly delightful Halloween and Guy Fawkes day (in the UK) everybody... Enjoy the autumn season, your friends, family and loved ones, and look for the next issue of FW around Christmas-time.
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