A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but
many. Then he discovered the problem-a 10 year old boy was
standing up the
road with a hand painted sign which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD".
then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign
reading "TIPS" and a
bucket full of change. (And we used to just sell lemonade.)
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through
radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he
sent the police
department a picture of $40. The police responded with
another mailed photo
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer
walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she
said, "I bet
are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball."
He replied, "Highway patrolmen don't have balls."
There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what
he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back on his
She was laughing too hard to start her car for several minutes.
Some "new definitions" for the 00's!
OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you
realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.
IDEA HAMSTERS - People who always seem to have their idea
MOUSE POTATO - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the
PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something
loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the
walls to see what's going on.
SITCOMs - (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage)
What Yuppies turn into when they have children and one of
them stops working to stay home with the kids.
STARTER MARRIAGE - A short-lived first marriage that ends in
no kids, no property, and no regrets.
STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and
SWIPED OUT - An ATM or credit card that has been rendered
useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
ALPHA GEEK - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient
person in an
office or work group.
ASSMOSIS - The process by which some people seem to absorb
success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than
CHIPS & SALSA - Chips = hardware, Salsa = software. "Well,
first we gotta
figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."
IRRITAINMENT - Entertainment and media spectacles that are
you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J.
trial was a prime
example. Bill Clinton's shameful video Grand Jury testimony
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the heck out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.
UNINSTALLED - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice mail of a
vice president at a down sizing computer firm: "You have reached the
number of an Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main
number and ask the operator for assistance." * (Syn: DECRUITMENT)
YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS - The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of
ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill
after a meal, "We each owe $8, but all anybody's got are
yuppie food stamps."
SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day
swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
GENERICA - Features of the American landscape that are
exactly the same
no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip
Used as in "We were so lost in generica that I forgot what
city we were
UMFRIEND - A sexual relation of dubious standing or a
relationship, as in "This is Diane, my ... um ... friend."