More Microsoft Trials

Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ruled that Microsoft violated the Sherman Antitrust Act by maintaining its OS monopoly through anticompetitive means, by attempting to monopolize the browser market, and by tying Internet Explorer to Windows. But Jackson wasn't done there. He has yet to rule on the following lesser-known cases:

International Coalition of Hair Stylists v. William H. Gates
Bill's hair violates the Paul Mitchell Anticurl Act.

U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service v. Microsoft
Microsoft's predatory behavior decimated Redmond's deer population.

Parker Brothers v. Microsoft
Microsoft's monopoly violates Monopoly.

World Wildlife Fund v. Microsoft
"Microsoft's Arctic Wonderland" at the Seattle Zoo violates penguins' rights.

U.S. Patent and Trademark Office v. Microsoft
By linking IE with Windows, Microsoft quashed innovation, except with regard to Navigator, Amaya, Mosaic, Arachne, 1X Browser, NeoPlanet, HotJava, Opera, and Lynx.

Open Source Initiative v. Microsoft
By controlling the OS market, Microsoft quashed innovation, except with regard to Linux, BeOS 5, OS X, Unix, FreeBSD, NewDeal Release 3.2, and Solaris.

Major League Baseball v. Microsoft
By engaging in predatory pricing techniques, Microsoft quashed innovation, forcing Ken Griffey to move to Cincinnati.

Fourth-Grade Teachers of America v. Microsoft
Microsoft's use of the term "Explorer" violates the rights of the heirs of Vasco da Gama, Cortez, and Magellan.

Department of the Treasury v. Microsoft
Gates and Ballmer monopolized $1,000 bills.

Martha Stewart v. Microsoft
That perky, animated paper clip violates good taste.